Caruso, Emerson, Maxxi

In Memoriam. . .Caruso, Emerson, and Maxxi
The year 2024 was a bad one. I lost all three of the loves of my life during that year. First it was Maxxi in February. He has his own memorial on this website. Then in November of this year I lost my other two babies, 2 days apart--Emerson, my sweet, scrappy “Little Dude” and Caruso, my soul cat. It’s taken me 10 weeks to even begin to write this, as the loss of my boys unearthed agonies too deep to be assuaged. I don’t think I’ll ever get over their loss, especially my Caruso, my first cat and thus, my first love.
Maxxi, I had you the least amount of time, just over 3 years, when you came to live with me at age 11 after your first mom, my aunt, passed away. Besides enduring the loss of your mom, you adjusted to moving across the county, from being an indoor/outdoor cat to an indoor only cat, from being an only cat to having 2 brothers, not to mention changes in your dietary routine. You handled all these changes like a champ, became friends with Caruso and Emerson, and became my head-butting, lap-loving, purring, snuggle bug. Everyone who met you loved you. When I lost you in February, it was like losing my aunt all over again, as you were my “connection” to her. But mostly, I had an empty spot on my lap because your brothers weren’t lap cats. You were, and always will be my sunshine. I’ll see you soon, love, soon.
Caruso, I just can’t find the words to express how I felt about you. When I saw you at the shelter, we looked at each other, and your beautiful deep green eyes penetrated into the deepest recesses of my heart and soul. I was looking for an adult cat, so even though you were 2 years old, I knew right then we were going to belong to each other. That decision turned out to be the biggest blessing of my entire life. For 16 years, my love for you grew stronger and stronger. Our bond for each other became unbreakably strong. We were able to read each other and instinctively knew what each other wanted or needed. You were a huge source of comfort for me when I was sick or down. Even though you lived with diabetes for the last 10 years of your life, and IBD for the last 3 years, as well as several other temporary maladies, your indomitable spirit and grace through the illnesses was inspirational and amazing. You tolerated without complaint your insulin injections, acupuncture, ear pricks for blood sugars, medication for your IBD, painful injections for nausea and vomiting, dietary changes and innumerable other treatments. Despite your illnesses, you had a wonderful quality of life—you were carefree, happy, and you even smiled that smile that is unique to cats. Like Maxxi, everyone who met you, loved you. You quickly became a favorite at the local vet, and especially at the university vet school, where we started going when you were having abdominal issues the local vet couldn’t figure out. We were frequent enough visitors there that you were known by the ER staff, the internal medicine staff, cardiology staff, and when you had your FCE, the rehab staff. You did your rehab exercises like a champ and regained 95% of your function in your rear legs! Your amazing internal medicine vet at the university gave me hope when our local vet didn’t think there was any. They gave me an additional 3 years and 4 months with you, during which you still had a great quality of life. The last month of life you began your decline. The last week, when the decline came quicker and quicker, I knew I wanted you to be able to maintain your dignity and not suffer any more. On November 11, Veterans’ Day, I held you as you met Maxxi on the Rainbow Bridge. I know he was there to meet you, and I got a small amount of comfort knowing you wouldn’t be alone and my two tabbies would be together again. I knew you wouldn’t need insulin anymore, and no more ear pricks or IBD medications or other treatments that although you endured them, were getting difficult for you. You were now free of the burdens of chronic illnesses and other infirmities of age. But oh, how my heart aches for you! I don’t think I will ever be able to get over you. Of all the animals I've had, my bond with you was the strongest and my love for you the greatest. I long for the day we will see each other again. Until then, please know that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, you were my first love (first cat I’ve ever had), my Goose, my Sweet Man. I will see you one day, my love, hopefully soon, but that part’s not under my control.
Emerson, my sweet, but scrappy “Little Dude”, I couldn’t believe it when 2 days after losing your brother, you went to be with him. But I got you both around the same time, so I guess it was fitting that you went to be together quickly. Even though you had renal failure, you thrived for several years being on an appropriate diet. When you went into advanced renal failure and quit eating, the vet felt a feeding tube would help you get over the hump and that you could thrive again. Despite the best efforts of the vets at the university, unfortunately, that didn’t happen. You had your tube for 2 months and never ate real food again. However, despite the feeding tube, you quickly resumed your normal life, and were doing all your normal “Emmy” things—sitting on my lap, purring loudly, playing with your toys, bugging your brother, and being spicy and saucy, right up until the last day. On that day, when you quickly spiraled down and had breathing difficulties and became semi-responsive, I knew it was time to say goodbye to you, even though I’d just said good bye to your brother 2 days earlier. I wasn’t going to let you suffer. So we made the trip to the university and you went to be with Caruso and Maxxi. I’m sure they were as overjoyed to see you as I was sad to see you gone. You gave me 16 years of joy, challenges, and love that changed me forever. Like I told your brother, I will see you soon, my little bug.
So now, all three of you are home again, in beautiful marble urns on my dresser. I have your ink pawprints and nose prints that the university kindly made for me as well as your clay pawprints. Above your urns hangs a shadow box that contains your clay pawprints, the t-shirts you wore when it got cold, or when needed for medical reasons, and your collars with your ID tags on them. While I’m comforted looking at them, my heart and soul still ache because of your absence. But one day, hopefully soon, at some time predetermined not by me, but by a greater power, we will be together again. Until then, enjoy each other as you did in your previous life, sleep together, play together, and Emmy, don’t fight with your brothers! 😊I LOVE YOU GUYS!